**I must preface this post with a request to you, my dear reader. And that is, to not make any assumptions or jump to any conclusions before you have read this entire article all the way through. Chances are good that my conclusions are going to differ from what you think they’re going to be when you’re about halfway through. So, please, keep your mind as open and objective as possible while you read. Don’t make any assumptions about my conclusions until I’ve actually stated them. Thanks.**
Christians scream, “Sinner!” at homosexuals…yet fifty percent of Christian men are addicted to pornography. The homosexual community screams to be understood, accepted, and allowed to marry.
Oral sex is rampant among teenagers, and the sale of sex-related tools such as condoms and vibrators are probably at an all-time high.
Pre-marital sex is a given among dating adults…including many who profess belief in Yeshua as their Savior. Pedophiles abound, prostitution is a given, and health practitioners recommend masturbation to improve one’s overall health.
In some cultures, men reserve women’s vaginas for making babies, while using little boys and animals to ignite the pleasure center of their brains.
The world is obsessed with sex. Has been for millennia.
This obsession has led to the oppression of women, people constantly using and manipulating others for their own pleasure, sexual abuse of children, and the sex trafficking industry.
Why the worldwide, permanent obsession?
Feminists claim that sex is the way men have been able to lord it over women. Men claim that they need to “do it” or they’ll hurt. Both genders claim that it’s THE way to feel close to one’s partner, and that as long as it’s consensual, it’s healthy.
The claims come from society’s desperate need to make sexual intercourse a legitimate activity (though the one about a stopped-up man hurting has some truth to it). Why?
Because it’s a cheap thrill.
Okay, unless you’re paying a prostitute. I understand that in that case, it’s a darned expensive thrill.
Either way, it’s a thrill. The release of pleasure in an orgasm is unparalleled in comparison with doing drugs, shopping, gambling, even – yes – eating a piece of “Better Than Sex” chocolate cake (that’s an actual name of a kind of chocolate cake; look it up).
Okay, so sex brings physical pleasure. Why, then, have most people, in every generation, sought out that pleasure at all costs?
Hang on to your hats. I’m about to become controversial.
They lack, or lacked, a deep relationship with God.
Yes, I am including followers of Yeshua in that statement.
Just ‘cause you’re married, doesn’t mean you’re not lusting!
I’m going to take a detour for a minute. But don’t worry; we’ll be back on track in no time.
A few weeks before J proposed to me, he asked how he was supposed to know whether what he felt was love or lust. I was quick to give him all sorts of examples that “proved” he really loved me.
But what precipitates the feeling of falling in love, but lust?
Let me park here for a moment. “Lust” has negative connotations, which is ridiculous. It’s simply the instinctive desire to make babies with someone to whom you’re attracted. Lust is a natural feeling. And most of the time, in non-arranged marriages, lust is what initially brings people together and produces the feeling of falling in love.
What I’m saying is that with my 20/20 hindsight, I realize that though J may have indeed loved me back then, lust may have been his overwhelming feeling.
And it goes both ways. I will freely admit that, before I hit menopause, I would lust after my husband for several days each month. All I had to do was look at him, and I’d want it. Bad.
Because my body was urging me to make a baby.
“But sex is a way to show couples they love each other.”
So most Christians have deceived themselves. Because all the books written by Christian psychologists and other religious experts in the field say so.
The truth is, sexual intercourse, even between two married people, is most often (in today’s world) to alleviate the tension between the legs. Sometimes to produce babies, but that’s not usually the case with most couples, most of the time.
The desire for physical intimacy comes from lust.
What about the feeling of falling more deeply in love after an orgasm? Sorry to break your spiritual bubble, honey, but that’s due to hormones that are released when you climax. And that feeling doesn’t last.
What is love, anyway?
Love is cleaning up your spouse’s vomit. Love is sticking around when your spouse suffers from anxiety…even when it turns to anger that is unjustly pushed your way. Love is the willingness to sit down and confront each other about issues such as child rearing, finances, and unhealthy habits. Love is not telling your mother about the obnoxious/stupid/insensitive thing your spouse did, even though you’re still fuming about it.
That kind of love can, and often does, lead to deeper feelings of respect and gratitude for the other person, which can lead to greater attraction, which can lead to lust.
A healthy lust. One where no one is going to get hurt or be manipulated. A lust that will be reciprocated.
But let’s call a spade a spade and not get confused. Lust leads to sex, whether physically or just in your head. Love leads to a deeper relationship, a greater connection…and is not dependent on sex to happen.
“The marriage bed is undefiled…”
Know how else I know that sex between married believers is usually lust-related? Because of how Christian men have perverted the above quote from the apostle Paul.
“Oh, when you’re married, the bed is undefiled. That means we can do whatever we want for pleasure. Honey, look, see, the Bible says it’s okay if you suck my cock! It’s godly when you dress up like a French maid and let me chain you to the bed and pretend to rape you!”
You think there aren’t people who call themselves Christians doing that sort of thing? I’d be interested in a survey of believing couples who read Fifty Shades Of Gray to stir things up in the bedroom. I think we would all be shocked, if those polled were dead-honest in their answers.
There is no love, and nothing godly, in a man asking a woman to do unnatural things in order to fulfill his lustful fantasies. (Or vice-versa, lest I be accused of sex discrimination. Pun not intended.) I don’t care how much they pray and worship God, or how many church services they’ve attended in their life.
Let’s bring it back full circle…
My point in bringing down the false belief that sex magically turns into a pure act of love once it’s done between a Christian married couple is not to decry it as an evil act. My point is, rather, to assert that sexual intercourse occurs out of lust, regardless of the circumstances.
Sure, God created our bodies so that sex would bring pleasure. That was to ensure we’d keep the earth populated! Blame God that physical intimacy feels so good that it’s addictive.
But it’s neither God’s fault nor His will that the act be considered The Thing that keeps couples together, The Thing that improves the marriage relationship.
God never intended for people, not even married people who walk in fellowship with Him, to make sexual pleasure the center of a relationship.
That we have, is the reason we have pedophiles and bestiality and pornography and sexual abuse and prostitution and the sex trafficking industry.
Most people in most cultures the world over, throughout history and regardless of religious beliefs, have been obsessed with sex because they do not have a deep relationship with their heavenly Father.
Read that correctly: not because they have no relationship. Because they don’t have a deep relationship.
When a person has a deep relationship with God, they walk in a continual sense of peace and joy. It’s long-lasting. It fills their spirit to overflowing and brightens and lightens their soul. And when they have that kind of connection, they’ll sense God’s leading in all areas of their life. That leading will lead to a fulfilling life.
And when your life is fulfilling and full of God, you don’t need temporary pleasures.
The high from an orgasm lasts only a few minutes. The “in love” feeling it causes lasts only an hour or two. And so someone who counts on sexual pleasure has to constantly be looking for the next thrill.
They become obsessed with sex, because in the long run, the only thing it fulfills is a temporary urge to make a baby.
The world would be a different place if even just all believers would stop seeking short-lived bedroom thrills and seek God instead.
How to have a deep relationship with God
Meditate on Bible verses often, and pray without ceasing. With the latter, I mean neither speaking in tongues all day, nor quitting your job and living in a cave.
I mean, get off social media, turn off Netflix, and spend that time first, in silent worship, contemplation, and listening; and then, in offering up thanksgiving and petitions.
Even if you already have a devotional time set apart.
See, that’s the problem. “Well, I have my devotions from five to six every morning!”
And then you spend your commute to your job cussing out other drivers, the time on your job complaining (even if just to yourself) about your work, boss, or co-workers, and your time after work vegging out.
You don’t have to live in a convent or monastery, or be a pastor, in order to find more time to pray. You have to cultivate a relationship with the Lord such that first, you find yourself lifting up your heart in prayer throughout the day; and second, you desire His presence more than you desire the latest Instagram story or newest episode of the hottest T.V. show.
The act of sexual intercourse isn’t evil in and of itself. But it’s become a pathetic substitute for a wonderful gift that God wants for each and every human being: the joy and peace that come out of dwelling in His presence constantly.
Why is the world obsessed with sex?
Because it’s a lot easier and faster to get an orgasm than to cultivate a meaningful relationship with the Creator.
And the really sad thing about it is, because of that, even most Christians are leading lives of quiet desperation because their lives are anything but fulfilled.