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What To Do When You’re Marriage Is Boring (Or, So You Think)

Question on Quora:

What should I do that I am bored with my married life?

My answer:

Most married couples hit that point eventually. It’s normal. Understand that right up front.

The next thing you need to understand is that it might not be your married life that you’re bored with. You might just be bored, period. And that is not your spouse’s fault. It’s either a spiritual problem that you need to delve into, or your mind is about to give birth to some creative idea and in the meantime, you’ll feel restless and bored.

What if the latter is the case, that it’s not really the marriage, but you? Find something interesting to do. Something, I mean, that won’t dishonor your spouse or the marriage vows. Start a new hobby. Start a humorous YouTube channel. Declutter the attic or garage.

If the problem really is your married life, see if your spouse will do that interesting thing with you. Or start alternating planning creative dates a couple of times a month. You plan the first date, your spouse plans the next, and so on. I read a book by a romance novelist who did this with her husband of, what, 20–30 years when their marriage had become humdrum, and it took their relationship to a whole new level.

If the problem is the married life, remember that it’s not a problem with your spouse. Or you. It takes two to Tango. The problem is, you have both gotten lazy in keeping some spark in the relationship. A good marriage takes work; a great marriage is like trying to pull a full cement mixer up a steep hill with your bare hands.

But the work is worth it.

You made some promises – serious promises – when you got married. I encourage you not to take the easy way out here, and do what so many people do and make themselves liars, heartbreakers, and family wreckers. Instead, be a person of your word. That takes integrity.

And in this day and age, being a person of integrity takes more hard work than ever.

But the work is worth it.

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