If you meet me on the street and have a brief chat with me, I’ll seem pretty normal. Okay, so I won’t be wearing makeup or have manicured nails. Throw out looks for a minute and focus on behavior.
I won’t seem particularly eccentric to you.
But the fact is, I am. Except I’m probably not old enough to be labeled “eccentric” yet. Let’s use the word “weird” instead. So far, that word hasn’t been hijacked by an extreme minority group and had its meaning perverted changed.
Yep, I’m weird. You already know about my genius in the areas of sensing the passage of time and telling the temperature. But that’s not all!
Here are several other weird things about me that might make you take a step back the next time you meet me in a dark alley.
I am still lactating.
When I was around six months pregnant, possibly earlier, I began attending La Leche League meetings. Attended them for about two years. I read several books either about breastfeeding, or that had entire chapters about breastfeeding. Nobody, but nobody ever said that if you breastfeed you child long enough (or breastfeed enough children), you might very well continue to lactate until menopause.
Hold up. If you’re a guy, this is probably TMI. You can make jokes about bodily functions all day long – and gross ones at that – but if you hear a woman talk about her preferred brand of feminine hygiene products or her struggles with UTI, you get disgusted.
So you’d better skip this one.
My son was born when I was thirty-six and a half. I am creeping up on forty-eight years of age. Do the math.
He is the only child I have ever been pregnant with or given birth to.
Yet, every few months, I feel a tell-tale drip under my shirt. I check. Yep. Milk. I’m still producing it. Even though my son quit nursing years ago.
I would feel really strange about that, except that I know a woman who is now in her sixties who occasionally lactated well into her fifties. So it ain’t just me!
So why in the heck doesn’t anyone talk about it in the books/at LLL meetings?!
I use about four gallons of water a day.
From this web article, https://water.usgs.gov/edu/qa-home-percapita.html, I quote:
Estimates vary, but each person uses about 80-100 gallons of water per day. Are you surprised that the largest use of household water is to flush the toilet, and after that, to take showers and baths? That is why, in these days of water conservation, we are starting to see toilets and showers that use less water than before.
My family uses around TWELVE gallons of water per day total (household use, not garden and orchard irrigation), and since there are three of us, that’s four gallons each. This is for hand-washing laundry, doing dishes, miscellaneous other cleaning, washing hair and hands, and drinking.
Last June I told my BIL that we had almost 6,000 gallons of water in rain tanks, and he couldn’t conceive how that could possibly last us six months to a year. It’s called sponge bathing instead of showering. It’s called using only as much water as necessary to wash dishes, laundry, and hands. It’s called using a composting toilet rather than a flush toilet. None of that is particularly sexy, but it sure saves water usage!
I love chocolate, but hardly ever eat it.
Super-weird, huh? Why and how could this be so?
First and foremost, it’s not cheap (especially fair trade chocolate bars and raw chocolate powder, the only kinds of chocolate I consume), and not necessary. It’s a treat, a luxury. I tend not to spend money on unnecessary things.
Second, when you’re talking about chocolate bars, even the organic ones contain ingredients that aren’t all that healthy, particularly the oils.
Third, chocolate contains caffeine. A little bit, sure, but caffeine nevertheless. Coffee drinkers hate me for pointing this out, but caffeine is not good for your liver.
Those reasons answer the why. But…how?
Self-discipline. And let me tell you, being self-disciplined is quite the burden, because then you have to spend your whole life hearing people say to you, “Gee, I wish I could [NAME A HEALTHY HABIT] like you do.” Then you have to watch those people go away and keep on doing the stupid things that are ruining their lives because they think you’ve got some magic ingredient that keeps you from doing them.
My left arm costs over $25,000.
In the fall of 2014, I broke my left humerus bone. We don’t carry health insurance because we like the idea of getting penalized by the communists in the IRS every year, so we had to pay for the repair out of pocket.
I needed surgery. The total for everything, including all the X-rays and the fancy-schmancy sling they gave me after the surgery, was over $25,000.
If you’re interested, I charge $20 a head to look at my scars.
I still have my teddy bear.
When I was a toddler, my grandma gave me a teddy bear. I’ve had about a dozen other stuffed animals, but only one teddy bear. All the other animals either belong to my son, or have been given away.
My teddy bear still sleeps on my bed.
My mother fixed his face the day the dog decided it was a chew toy. His face has ripped apart nevertheless, and his neck is in a delicate state.
I’m married and have a much bigger, warmer bed partner than my teddy. But my teddy bear still sleeps on our bed.
There. Now you know all my deepest, darkest secrets…NOT! 😉