There’s this idea that’s been going around and around my brain since late this morning. It is, I believe, the culmination of wrestling with my purpose and calling for the past several years. I’ve been off and on frustrated with various projects I’ve picked up. Some I’ve finished. Some I’ve dropped as though they’d stung me after only getting so far into them (I used to be someone who always finished whatever she started).
All have felt like exercises in futility.
This is partly due to my season of life, that glorious, awe-inspiring time in every woman’s life known as perimenopause during which time the drop in estrogen levels cause a drop in serotonin and other “feel-good” brain chemicals, often leading to some level of depression and/or anxiety, which leads to the dimming and disheartening of a woman’s perspective on life.
But I think it’s also – and perhaps more – because I am, at my core, a non-conformist. Though I follow rules well enough to keep those around me content that I’m not going to be an emotional threat to them, in my heart of hearts I feel like a caged bird when I am given limitations around my creativity and personal expression. And when I try to stay within the confines of those limitations, I quickly get bored.
YouTube: “Your channel must be confined to one general topic, or our algorithm won’t like you.”
Search engines: “If you blog, you need to write long, juicy posts full of popular keywords, or I’ll never show your posts in the first page of results. And for goodness’ sake, don’t actually blog. Real blogs are personal. I only care about blogs that are set up like authoritative websites, even though they’re all just parroting the same old boring information and don’t have a spark of creativity about them.”
Fiction readers: “We like novels the best, and the more romance and sex, the better.”
So, what have I been doing for the sake of gaining an audience for my knowledge or talents? Being as untrue to myself as I can be by hemming my creativity into the narrow bounds of the various online creation platforms.
The idea that’s been hounding me all day isn’t new to me. What’s new about it is my realization that if I keep sticking to everybody’s else’s rules, I’m going to end up hating whatever I do, and then not do anything and then people who might have potentially discovered my content and been helped by it, won’t.
Not to mention that I won’t experience any fulfillment in life.
So, what’s my big idea?
Have a blog where I write about whatever I want (a-hem, this one), and a corresponding YouTube channel where I upload videos about whatever I want.
–Educational content, or how-to’s and information on the different things I’ve learned or am learning, on all the topics I’m interested in.
–Personal sharing. Philosophy. Faith. Family. My mistakes and my victories.
–Flash fiction (super-short stories).
–Whatever occurs to me to write about or perform.
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